Just a quick little one. This is in anapaestic pentameter for those who're interested - (each line is "diddy-DUM" x5). I've italicised a couple of words to help with metrical stress.
Boy Racer
You were going at sixty but you didn't know how to drive.
You were racing too swiftly when you didn't know how to love.
So you now know what happens when you're in too much of a rush;
The inevitable - it's a mangled, obstreporous CraSH.
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I think I at least deserve a couple of points for using the word 'obstreporous'! Otherwise, a nice little experiment with anapaests and slant rhymes.
ReplyDeleteobstreporous sticks out like an alien word. Its like the poet has tried too hard to fit in that word, otherwise i liked the poem. Very haiku like feel to it
ReplyDeleteThanks for feedback! :-)
ReplyDeleteAm ambivalent about 'obstreporous'. Will change it if/when I think of something better. Still think I should get some small kudos for that word lol. The last line is meant to be disjointed anyway so I guess it's not a complete disaster if it sticks out so badly. Was a spur-of-the-moment poem too. But yeah, I'll try and improve that.