Avian Conversation
Hail the mighty Golden Eagle
Lord and master of the Skies
So agile, fast, so powerful
But not so wise
Here I am, your humble servant
A seemingly compliant crow
Deferring to your greater strength
For all you know
Your weapons are your razor claws
Inspiring fear in all but fools
How wonderful to rend and tear
But I craft tools
I perceive my own reflection
My intellect is self-aware
But you, oh from a mile away
Can spot a hare!
You spot then swoop then snatch then slay
You break its bones with blooded beak
I influence and imitate
With voice to speak
A king, you perch on tree-top throne
Before you, bowed and cowed I kneel
Just waiting for your back to turn
You're mine to steal
Monday, 30 November 2009
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one of your more refined poems, it misses your trademark rawness.
ReplyDeleteHowever i quite like the theme, even in its simpleness there is a sort of majesty to it.
Is rawness my trademark? I prefer to think that subversion is.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, this is another Sapphic Ode. Re-reading my first one reminded me how much I love this metrical scheme. The shorter fourth lines create such a great opportunity to conclude the stanza in a punchy manner, while simultaneously saying something that can bring new meaning to the lines that precede it.
I let myself be a bit more relaxed with the tetrameter lines, resisting the urge to make them all pure, perfect iambics. This provided a bit more variety to the rhythm and allowed some slight differences of emphasis.
I really like the insincerity in the crow's praise of the eagle. The message is basically, "You're great at killing but nothing else. Whoopee-doo. I'm one of the smartest creature's on the planet."
Aurally I'd say this is one of my weaker poems, probably because of the specific nature of the message being conveyed. I'd say the only truly poetic-sounding lines are "You spot then swoop then snatch then slay / You break its bones with blooded beak" Yes, the alliteration provides a certain majesty, while at the same time revealing a narrowness of focus.
*creatures
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